I don't know why it took me so long to listen to this one XD Your mixing is fantastic, with the variation in ambient sounds, sound effects (I love the sheep XD), and appropriate music, and your voices are all distinct and memorable with strong characterization and vocal tics. I do wonder, though, why the narrator is more dominant in the right speaker?
The writing left me a little confused sometimes, though :P I think because it's an audio trailer. But the narrator saying "For Bratter Or Wurst" all dramatically at the end made me giggle.
Good luck! :)
This is adorable :D I'm glad to see you managed to get a submission in before the deadline.
The mixing is great, with a nice balance between silence and appropriate music. The sound effects are very well placed, too. The writing is charming and the characters are memorable. Your voice is soooo cute! XD and the delivery is great as well.
Best of luck in the contest! I think you have a great chance.
Thank you! I had gone through about a dozen scripts but they all kept running too long or other things, once I got this story down I kept recording, then rerecording. I finally decided I would just keep working on it until the final day.
I've always been a fan of your voice work so your opinion carries a lot. Thank you for such a lovely review!
Overall, entertaining and fun to listen to :) I really like the Game Wizard's voice and delivery, though the caller's voice annoyed me a little because it sounded like a whisper-scream. I guess it makes it easier to differentiate the characters, which you otherwise did fairly well, though I'm not sure if that raspy not-quite-a-shout voice was the best option. The character chemistry between the caller and operator sounds pretty natural. Your mixing is fantastic, and I especially like the "Press 1!" interruption, and the "insert game title here" pauses. I liked the touch of the music playing in the background during the call with the operator, too.
Only problem... I don't really see how it fits with the theme. I guess you can stretch it with "my first time calling tech support."
Best of luck :)
Ahaha I'm glad this is the first review, both because you're very kind and because you've brought up a pretty glaring issue.
The idea is that this is his first time calling the Game Wizard, which is what that interruption is trying to highlight. It's totally a stretch (especially when compared to the entries like "My First Kill") , but I'm hoping it's not stretched to the point of losing me points :/
I'll take your feedback re: screamdude to heart. I've been watching the NG VA community from the sidelines for a while now, so I really appreciate that you (in particular) would take the time to write such a thoughtful review. Thank you.
The main thing you can improve on is your vocal range. At some point, all of the characters sound similar, even though I think there are supposed to be five characters. The mother's voice is too forced, and because of that she comes off very monotonous. I understand she's a vampire, but there's still a way to pull off a vampiric voice without sounding flat. She also sounds too much like a teenager.
The younger characters display better acting, but like I said, I was confused as to how many characters there are. I think you also did the voice of the girl that they sacrificed, but I confused her for the older child and the two younger. One of the child's voices (I think it's a boy?) changes by the end; you didn't maintain the raspy anime-boy voice long enough.
Now this part is delving into my own personal tastes, but I was put off while listening to most of the piece. I think it has to do with the writing. The youngest characters are perpetually frightened, the other child always sounds like a bored teenager, the mother is flat, of course the sacrifice chick is going to sound terrified. The thing is, they don't go through any particular emotional change. They display the same emotion throughout. Also, all the whining and screaming is grating on the ears after so long.
As for the mixing, there's not much differentiation in scene change, and I think the music is to blame. The same piece plays throughout, without fading in or out for scene change. There's some footsteps and the door opening, but there's no indication of time passing, so I was confused when the mother said, "Wake up, children."
Anyway, good luck in the contest :)
Thanks for commenting on my own entry :)
I think you still have a lot to learn, but hey, where better to learn than in a community contest? First of all, you need to learn how to use your microphone better. It sounds like you're a little too shy to speak up, so you don't enunciate enough, which in turn makes it hard to understand you, and that's very important in voice acting: being understood. Your voice is far too breathy in the beginning. You'll want to back up from the microphone a little bit so you won't produce so many puffs and pops.
In addition to the issues I mentioned above, the effect that you used on Miz Tentaclez's voice made it even more difficult to understand, and I stopped paying attention halfway through her monologue. If you use vocal effects, you don't want them to be overpowering.
As for mixing, there's a lot of static, and noise removal can help reduce that. I also hear what I think is dishes clinking in the background? Next time, try to reduce as much background noise as you can to increase the quality of your recording. The music doesn't seem to fit the writing, either.
Lol thanks, the dishes were on purpose, and my voice can't get any louder than that, lol.
hmm, but I thought the music fit, lol
There's waaay too much static or background noise; it's overpowering the voices. I'm not sure if that's the car sound effect, but it's definitely something you want to tone down. At the beginning, making one character speak in the right speaker and having the other speak in the left is an odd choice. Might want to make them more in the middle, like one 50% to the right and the other 50% to the left.
The story is a little hard to follow, especially with John's cackling/coughing taking away focus from the ending. I don't normally have a problem with cursing, but it seems like most of his lines consist of "fuck," which comes off as lazy writing. He might as well not have said anything at all in the second half.
However, your character voices are rather differentiated, in pitch and accent, so good job on that.
Good luck in the contest :)
I had just been watching reservoir dogs and pretty much improvised the whole thing. I wouldn't call it as much lazy writing as it wasn't writing at all. But thanks for your feedback, since there's a couple of hours left I think I managed to lower the car sounds. All the static is scrubbed before mixing, so it's all sound files.
Wow, this is disgusting, haha. I was mostly grossed out until the Indian guy came in and said, "He's dead because we've been talking!" Kay I admit that made me laugh.
The street ambience is a nice touch, and I especially like the sirens. Like the previous comment said, it gives it a GTA feel. As for the mixing, the Indian guy's voice abruptly cuts out at the end. The overall piece is nice and short, so if you could recover that lost second, it would make your entry sound a bit more polished.
Your acting is okay. I would have liked to hear more urgency in the main guy's voice when the other guy starts choking. The vocal range needs a little bit of work, too. The only thing differentiating these three characters are their accents, which is great, but you'll also want to think more about intonation and pitch.
Thanks heapies for the helpful crit! :)
We know we probably won't win VAC 11, but we did want to provide some lulz. Glad we've done that, at the least.
Thanks again, for your guidance. I'll be sure to apply more tonality & sex to our next batch of voicey thingies.
Your characters' voices sound similar, and they don't show enough emotional depth so they sound rather monotonous. The kid and grandpa's voices at the end are a nice change, though.
As for mixing, you could do with some noise removal. There is static on your recording. The overall piece is a little boring to listen to, so you could add some ambient sounds like crickets--it is night, right?--or even some music to spice it up. Most of the sound effects fit and aren't jarring in quality, except the siren noise, which quickly cuts out.
However, you don't make this longer than it needs to be and it doesn't drag on, so good job :)
Thank you. I was afraid the character voices sounded a bit too similar. They're a lot more challenging than I expected. Still have a lot to learn, but I'm pleased with the overall result. Thanks for the pointers and for taking the time to listen.
I listened to this one this morning but didn't pay full attention until now XD Good to see that you cut it down to six minutes exactly. Hurray!
Anyway it's nice to hear another entry that has obvious effort put into it. I especially like how Cooper and Randall go through their own character arcs, story-wise and emotionally. The character personalities, voices, and delivery are all distinct.
At first, I thought the ambience in the first scene was just background noise...then I realized, it's ambience, haha. It is a nice touch, though I am a little confused as to the actual setting for the first scene. College dorms? I imagined Cooper appearing at Jeff's doorstep at home and Randall just happens to be walking down the sidewalk. The sound effects are nice and clear too.
As for one little little recording/mixing problem, Cooper's heavy breaths after he drinks the Crimson Mist seem to get cut off. The bartender's voice could be a bit of a higher volume. And Randall's drumming REALLY annoys me XD
This was more of a joy to listen to the second time around (when I'm actually PAYING ATTENTION). Good luck in the contest :)
Thanks very much for the review. Tweaked some volumes. As for Randall's drumming.. well... it's supposed to be at least a LITTLE annoying, but I know what you mean.
While the content is refreshing from some of the others I've heard so far, you rely too much on exposition to tell the story, and because of that I lost some interest. You may want to shave off a little of the old man's story in order to meet the 6:00 mark, since Newgrounds says that you're one second over the time limit.
The mixing could be a tad better, as there's a lot of static left on your recording. Noise removal should help. The sound effect at 5:51 is also too loud, and I thought it was inappropriate. It sounded as though he may be swinging a weapon, but your voice acting didn't quite convey what was happening either.
As for your voice acting itself, the third voice heard at 1:19, the rough gruff one, sounded too forced in the beginning, and around 1:30, the multitude of characters got jumbled up. None of the voices are particularly memorable or distinct. The emotion flatlines. Specifically, when they first draw blood, the character who expresses happiness...doesn't sound all that happy, and the character at 5:47 didn't sound justified in his anger.
Shaving off that last second and using noise removal on your recording should be the easiest improvements to your entry before the deadline. Good luck :)
I took your advice and properly edited out as much background noise as possible, and took out some unnecessary stuff to make 5:59, please let me know what you think about the edited version!
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